The One With Aldacron

They say that some things in life get easier with experience. Saying goodbye is not one of them. As a consequence of living in a foreign country, I’ve said goodbye to many friends over the years. There’s always an expectation to stay in touch, of course. And sometimes we do. But inevitably, in most cases the rate of correspondence dwindles down to nothing. That’s always in my head when I’m seeing someone off at the airport, or giving a friendly farewell hug after our last meeting. Still, there’s always a chance that we will meet again and pick up where we left off. The worst goodbyes are those that you know are final.

This weekend I had to let go of a very dear friend. It was quite sudden and unexpected. No, she didn’t die. Life just got in the way. Generally, I’m not a very emotional guy. I tend to keep my feelings under a tight lid and focus on other things (unless I’m blind drunk). But there are times when that’s not an easy thing to pull off. I had quite a difficult time concentrating during my English classes this morning. I’m sure my students noticed.

I don’t believe there’s any such thing as a good goodbye, but this one was particularly bad because it was so abrupt. There was a lot left unsaid. And now I’m wallowing around in that gray area, deliberating whether or not some of those things should be said. Whenever I have something important to say to someone, I usually do so and damn the consequences. But this case is different as I’m quite concerned about the consequences.

When I was younger, I used to look forward to the day when I would become wiser and more experienced, more able to clearly see the right path when it comes time to make a decision. What I didn’t count on is that the difficult decisions don’t get any easier. Particularly when the heart is involved. Then again, I have learned that what I’ve learned about women in the past doesn’t apply to women I meet in the present. The book Everything Men Know About Women is spot on.

So this is one more difficult goodbye, perhaps the most difficult in my life, that doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier. Experience is overrated.

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